Time

Following the news that I was officially in remission, I am not afraid to say that I have struggled emotionally and psychologically.  It has been as if all the strength and attitude I mustered in building protective dams around me, just collapsed and imploded on themselves at that point.

Furthermore, the positive messages portrayed through social media made me feel like this wasn’t a normal response.  Surely I am suppose to be elated, grateful, running off and living my fullest life???

Probably, but that hasn’t been the reality for me.  I felt lonely, deserted, highly emotional, highly anxious, fearful. I felt like everyone had moved on from me having cancer, but I hadn’t.  I hadn’t spent time processing it.  I was thrown into getting back to normal life, everyone around me had resumed business as usual but I wasn’t back to normal. I still had numerous physical problems and now was an emotional grenade on top.  

But I have come to realise that my response isn’t an abnormal one.  It actually happens and is prevalent immediately after treatment has finished.  So if you are coming to end of treatment, or not feeling like you think you should: this poem is for you…..you are not alone!! Seek support, seek help, be kind to yourself and most importantly give yourself time!!

TIME

The journey has come to an end,
On your own you now must fend.
You should now feel well,
But sometimes it still feels like a living hell.

How do you return to the person you was?
How do you take stock and pause?
Life is the same, but you feel different inside,
How do you continue when you’d like to just hide?

Time……..

Time to heal,
Time to feel,
Time to process,
Time to digest,
Time to recover,
Time to repair,
Time to discover,
Time to repair,
Time to self-care.

After the battle had been fought,
Let the tears flow; they don’t need to be caught.
You need to release all the feelings inside,
Its bad to leave them to fester and hide.

How do you put together all the pieces you lost?
Where do you begin and at what cost?
Where do you start, where’s the beginning, the end?
How do you once again for yourself start to fend?

Time……..

Time to heal,
Time to feel,
Time to process,
Time to digest,
Time to recover,
Time to repair,
Time to discover,
Time to repair,
Time to self-care.

The wounds are still red and raw,
Inside and out you continue to feel sore.
Nothing heals overnight,
Whether you can see it, or it sits out of sight.

Bit by bit you find a way through the maze,
Pushing through the darkened haze.
But how do you find the person you were?
How do you keep away the fear it will recur?

Time……..

Time to heal,
Time to feel,
Time to process,
Time to digest,
Time to recover,
Time to repair,
Time to discover,
Time to repair,
Time to self-care.

Its easy to want to push for the norm,
Thinking it will help you out of this storm.
Fighting against your body and mind,
All because yourself your desperate to re-find.

It will all come one day that’s for sure,
Every day won’t feel like a fight anymore.
In the meantime, give yourself the support it needs,
And sow personal patience and kindness seeds.

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